Sometimes, we need to pause and really think about the language we use—especially when it comes to how we handle conflict. Words like confrontation and boundaries sound strong, even empowering. But if you think about it, they come from a military lexicon.
“Confrontation” refers to opposing military forces going head-to-head, like there’s a battle to be won. It’s strategic, forceful, and built on the idea that you need a backup plan in case things go sideways. “Boundaries” is another military term. It’s a literal line marking what’s yours and what’s mine. This is where the phrase “drawing a line in the sand” comes from. When used in relationships, it sounds like, “This is mine—stay on your side.” That kind of thinking may work in a war zone or legal dispute, but is it how we want to show up in our personal relationships?
Establishing boundaries and asserting yourself in confrontations are two BIG therapy phrases. But here’s the thing—it’s B.S. Yeah, maybe you just heard your therapist whisper, “Wait…what?” But stay with me.
Think about a time you confronted someone or set a hard boundary. How did it go? Did they feel heard—or attacked? Did they get defensive? Did it bring you closer, or push you apart?
The truth is, confrontation and boundaries, when used in this way, often build walls instead of bridges. If your goal is to maintain a loving, connected relationship, maybe it’s time to try something different.
What if, instead of confronting, you aligned—coming together as partners to co-create the kind of relationship you both truly want? And instead of setting a boundary, you simply spoke your truth?
In healthy relationships, we’re not on opposite teams—we’re a partnership. And when something’s bothering you, it’s not about putting up fences. It’s about bringing your truth into the open so it can be seen, felt, and understood. When you lead with honesty and vulnerability, there’s no need for a backup plan. The people who care about you want to understand you. They want to know what’s real for you.
So let’s ditch the military language. Skip the ultimatums. And honor the relationship by choosing words that invite connection.
Title of the article: Rethinking Confrontation & Boundaries in Relationships
Title of the publication: LeClair, Lynda
URL: https://www.infinitepsychology.com/rethinking- confrontation-&-boundaries-in-relationships/